Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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