So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
