I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
