your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
It's shark week go big or go home
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
