Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
