My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
