Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
