I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
