where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
