I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I need water and some morals
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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