Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
