A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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