bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
