before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
