marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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