You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There r osticjed everywhere
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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