Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
