dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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