Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
