I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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