Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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