Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My Higher Power is John Stamos
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
