Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
