Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
