so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
