I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
