and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
