spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
