She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
