She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
