some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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