Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
