i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
