Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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