the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So many bounce houses so little time
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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