forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
