i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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