You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
