Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Randomize
