Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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