oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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