I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
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