I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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