I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
