This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
