I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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