at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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