I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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