A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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