he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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