I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
