my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
