if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
