Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
