Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
high people should be assigned attendants
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
