she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize