In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
