Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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