Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
