well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
