Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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