If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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