Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
