FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize