and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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