I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
