I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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