the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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